These ain't your mama's vibrators! 🥵💦
Hi!
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there’s been an interesting evolution in sex toys recently.
If you haven’t, I don’t blame you. It’s actually kind of subtle and easy to miss.
But I’ve been seeing a lot more female masturbation representation.
Okay, let me explain what I mean. Because on some level, that’s not new - it’s always been about jilling off.
Like sure, there was some stuff for the fellas. Fleshlights were already well established by the time I started browsing my local sex shop. Sex dolls had become very impressive - or so I’m told, I could barely afford rabbit vibes back then. And prostate massagers were starting to be a thing.
But by and large, it was all about helping the ladies have stronger orgasms than we could by just buffin’ our muffins. There were countless vibrators for our clits, dildos of every size for penetrative fun, and some buttplugs for the more adventurous gals.
And honestly, they did a great job with all that.
I’m sure the sex toy selection in the 60s was a bit rough, but by the early 2000s there were plenty of fantastic options.
The Magic Wand has satisfied so many clits it deserves a Nobel prize.
Dildos were getting more flexible and comfortable. Thrusters were popping up to help out the poor gals who couldn’t afford a full-blown fuckmachine.
Whatever you happened to get your hands on, chances are it would show you a really good time.
It was all about making us come - harder, faster, better, and as many times as we could before it died and we had to steal batteries from the TV remote.
But now, I’m seeing a lot more toys designed to help us masturbate in different ways. Instead of just giving bigger orgasms, they’re accommodating all the ways we like to get ourselves off.
Like grinding.
So many women love to hump and grind to a climax - myself included. And now there are so many great ways to do that.
The Lust Dual Rider is the first proper grinding toy I tried, and that felt like such a revelation. Then I got the Humphrey toy mount, which is basically a pillow that turns just about any sex toy into a humpable one. And there’s a new grinding vibrator making its way to my mailbox as we speak, so we’ve come a very long way from having to hump teddy bears before passing out for the night.
Bathsturbation’s another one.
That was treated like a dirty little secret. We all kept it very hush-hush so our boyfriends and husbands wouldn’t act weird every time we spent too long in the tub.
But it just makes sense. You’re wet, naked, alone, and fully relaxed - name a better time to rub one out.
And yet, all the water toys seemed to exist by accident.
There was no WaterSlyde to help you get the tapwater running at the perfect angle. Massaging showerheads were amazing if you happened to hold them up to your privates, but until the Wave came along that was just a very happy coincidence.
Even waterproofing vibrators sometimes seemed like an afterthought. I’m pretty sure I whined about that in a couple of my reviews. Because I have so many wands I love but can’t take with me in the bath - not unless I want them to stop working or risk having my name printed in the paper for being electrocuted in the most embarrasing way possible.
But you know what, Le Wand finally did it - a wand made for all of us sexy mermaids who love to soak even more than Mormons. I haven’t tried it yet, but you bet your butt I will. If it’s as good as my other Le Wand vibrator and it can handle full submersion, it’s going to be a winner for sure.
And okay, I know licking toys technically isn’t masturbation representation - I doubt any of us are that flexible. But I’m going to count them anyway, because I can’t be the only girl who has wished on a shooting star for a toy that could lick her pussy.
Honestly, this one’s just unfair. If you’ve got a dick, you can stick it in a wide variety of blowjob machines. They’ll vaccu-suck your junk and keep going even after you’ve finished. So where the hell is my blowjob machine?
Plus, you’d think a licking toy would be an obvious invention. The first egghead who managed to make a dildo vibrate should’ve immediately erased all the diagrams on their blackboard and started drawing up plans for a tongue that licks.
But somehow, that remained an untapped market for ages. Except for the notorious Sqweel, pussy licking toys were basically impossible to find.
And now - well, they’re not everywhere you look. But they’re definitely available, which is a step in the right direction.
The Her Ultimate Pleasure and the Pro version are fucking fantastic - I’ve logged so many hours with both of them. The Laguna Beach Lover was really nice too, though sadly it seems to be discontinued - RIP to a real one. And I recently started messing around with a new tongue that goes down quite well.
So yeah, our sex toy horizons are definitely expanding. And that’s really nice to see.
We’re not just getting a bunch of new toys that help us come harder. We’ve also got some that are giving us more ways to masturbate.
I’m kind of bummed out that I didn’t have all these options back when I was 21 and brave enough to walk out of the sex shop holding a black plastic bag full of nudie mags and vibrators. But hey, better late than never.
Love,
Emma ❤
This Week’s New Articles
Speaking of pussy licking toys, here’s my review of a really fun one - the My Secret Vibrating Tongue!
I have a massive lady boner for disaster movies. So when I saw that Swappz had two disaster porn scenes, I just had to sit my ass down and watch them back to back!
So many women grind when they masturbate. But you can’t achieve true sexual bliss until you start grinding during sex too!
Something fun I think you’d love! 😏
If you want to get yourself a little something fun, here’s a company I love supporting!
I love skipping to the good parts, too. But if you want porn that’s actually worth watching from start to finish, you should really check out Pure Taboo!
And because the 4th of July is just around the corner, monthly memberships are currently on sale for just $5!
Those are all affiliate links, by the way. If you click them and make a purchase (or use one of my discount codes), I earn a small commission on the sale and you’ll be supporting my work.
If only… 🔥
Some things are better left in your search history.
This week, we're laying out ten kinks and fantasies we find really hot - but will probably never do!
Also: being put to shame by a dildo, sexual insecurities, and the elusive big dick humiliation!
Check out the show notes for relevant links. And if you love the show, don’t forget to rate and review it on Apple Podcasts! 🖤
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