I'm so glad I lost my virginity when I did! 😬😅
Hi!
I’ve been watching 90 Day Fiance and its many spin-offs with my husband for a good while now. But lately, I’ve been taking a short break from it every week so I can check out the newest episode of Virgins.
If you haven’t heard of it, it’s a TLC reality show that follows four adult virgins in their 30s and 40s who are desperately trying to finally pop their cherries.
It’s thoroughly entertaining. It’s kind of sweet and a touch cringey at times - because that’s part of being a virgin.
And I especially love dissecting what everyone’s deal is. That’s why I could never watch it alone - this is a couples show for me because there’s just so much to unpack.
What’s especially interesting is that they managed to find a nice spectrum of virgins.
You’ve got Alex, the dude who never made it out of his parents’ house and into a girl’s pants. He’s going the traditional route to overcome that - trying to hit on ladies with his two sisters acting as his wing women.
There’s Rhasha, a woman who is seriously pent up and probably too kinky for her own good. She’s using a combo of dating apps and kink events to try to make it happen for her.
Deanne’s a girl who looks like she’s been laid more times than she can count - no shade intended, that’s a total compliment. But nope, apparently she’s had her back blown out zero times. And because her standards are quite high, she’s working with a matchmaker to help her find someone who can meet them.
And there’s Sonali, who seems legit scared of sex and masturbation. It’s so bad that her anxieties have given her vaginismus - I’ve been there myself, and it’s no picnic. She’s got a lot to deal with so she’s working with different types of sex therapists so she can learn to at least think about sex without looking like she’s about to faint from panic.
It’s really neat seeing how everyone has their own reasons for never getting laid and are taking a different approach to getting deflowered.
But each and every one of their stories has one thing in common. They all make me grateful that I got laid when I did.
I gave up the goods for the first boy I ever dated. I really liked him, I was willing to take our relationship wherever it would go, and making out with him was incredibly fun. So, once I got over all my nervousness about it we both got naked from the waist down and had our first taste of fucking.
We never ended up getting that serious. He broke it off with me and shattered my poor little teenage heart.
But I never regretted having sex with him. Because it was such a thrilling experience, way more pleasurable than I could’ve imagined it to be, and it gave me an emotional rush like no other.
And it meant I could keep having sex whenever I wanted to. I wasn’t a virgin anymore - I was a girl who fucks.
I could put out, hit on someone in the hopes that they’d screw me, and try new sexual experiments now and then. Which was all very freeing.
I kind of take that for granted sometimes, because I’ve spent more years without my V-card than with it. But watching this show has me thanking my lucky stars that I felt ready enough to let my boyfriend hit it before he quit it.
Because if Virgins is anything to go by, being a virgin in your 30s makes sex into such a big deal.
There’s all this pressure surrounding the big moment. You live with this constant fear that telling someone you’re a pure untouched flower will make things weird and ruin your chances with them - but that not telling them will result in a sexual encounter you’re way too inexperienced to handle.
Plus it creates this sense that your first time is going to be this major event. Not just something fun or exciting, but special. So it has to be with the right person - probably someone who’s marriage material, since you’re not getting any younger. The moment has to be just right - you need to be swept off your feet and out of your underwear. This is the moment that will transform you into a new, de-virginized version of yourself, so it better feel like goddamn fireworks.
And that’s just way too much.
I’m glad I’m way past that, because now sex can just be sex. It can be pleasurable and intense. It can be a perfect way to bond and show your appreciation for someone you love - or at least like. It can be goofy and horny and silly and playful.
Which is all it really needs to be.
Honestly, if I hadn’t been around the block at least once or twice by the time I became an adult I would’ve probably just found a way to rip off the band-aid. Maybe hire a handsome gigolo with a hard body to flirt with me, go down on me, and fuck my brains out.
That way, I could go on with the rest of my life and not worry about when I’ll ever get a dick inside me. I can just chase after whatever guy or girl I feel like chasing after, even if they’re not my forever person or make me feel constant butterflies.
Which is why I’m rooting for all the people on this show.
It’s possible some of them will end the season still waiting for the right person to come along and bed them. But I’m really hoping they all find someone to boink and that it’s everything they ever wanted.
And if it’s not, at least they can move on and look for their next fling.
Love,
Emma ❤
P.S. I recorded a new podcast episode early this week, but my computer died on me before I got the chance to edit it! I just got it up and running again, so you’ll hopefully get to hear me and Mr. Austin again in a few days!
This Week’s New Articles
Losing my virginity was easy - communicating what I wanted was a lot tougher. But it doesn’t have to be - not if you’re using the right approach.
Something fun I think you’d love! 😏
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Some things are better left in your search history.
This week, we're laying out ten kinks and fantasies we find really hot - but will probably never do!
Also: being put to shame by a dildo, sexual insecurities, and the elusive big dick humiliation!
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