I'm in waiting mode and I hate it! 😡😭
Hi!
Waiting mode sucks.
I don’t know if you experience it, but I sure do. It’s like this mental freeze that happens whenever something’s coming up.
Usually, it’s small things.
Like if I’ve got a phone appointment with my doctor in the afternoon, I’ll completely useless all morning. I just don’t know what to do with myself. Until the call’s over, I just sort of pace around the house and look at my phone a lot.
But it can also be big things.
Right now, it’s the move.
In about a month, I’m relocating to another city. And it’s such a big, huge event that my brain just can’t seem to function properly.
I’m putting hobbies on hold. Starting anything new feels kind of pointless. I keep mentally listing all the things I need to pack before going, but that’s not a very rewarding way to pass the time.
Mostly, I just feel aimless. Like my brain just can’t see past the huge thing that’s up ahead.
I lucked out a couple of weeks ago when I got hooked on The Handmaid’s Tale. Because binge-watching a great show is so much more enjoyable than circling around the waiting loop.
But I’ve burned through all five seasons, so here I am again.
What’s especially frustrating is that this is only one of the many ways I’m in a constant battle with myself.
I want to do fun stuff so my enemies feel jealous of the cute little life I’m living.
I want to try new things so I can ride the self-improvement high, instead of just getting blitzed on edibles.
I want to get excited about all of life’s small pleasures, like riding my sex pillow, watching movies with gratuitous nudity, and finding new ways to use Everything Bagel seasoning.
But if it’s not the fatigue getting in the way, it’s the hormonal imbalances. And when it’s not the hormones, it’s the freaking waiting mode.
I wish there was a cure for this, but I doubt there is. Even if it took a lobotomy, I’d at least consider it.
Oh well. All I can do is find ways to make the best of it.
I’ll listen to a few more audiobooks so my brain isn’t just idling in its own driveway.
Maybe I’ll do some garden planning. Well, re-planning - I already mapped out where I think everything should go.
If I’m really lucky, I can get hooked on another show.
At least it’ll be over soon.
Early next month, I’m hauling ass over to a new place. It will be smaller, cozier, and in need of a bit of work. But at least I won’t have to wait anymore.
Until my doctor needs to call me, anyway.
Love,
Emma ❤
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