I’ve been handed a pretty crummy deal.
I’m incredibly interested in sex. It’s a passion of mine. If I have anything close to an obsession, that’s it. I love it like I love few other things.
And yet, I’ve been saddled with a low sex drive.
Like, way too low for someone who loves sex this much.
I’m pretty sure it’s a combination of a few different things. I have an anxiety disorder that makes it hard for me to be horny. ADHD doesn’t help. Neither do my people pleasing tendencies.
So, I live on the struggle bus. I wish I could have lots more sex and be the bad bitch I’ve always dreamed of being. But my sex drive is just a sweet, innocent girl who barely ever has an impure thought.
That’s why I have to trick her.
I’ve tried forcing myself to get horny before. It works, but it’s a chore.
Have you ever had to force yourself off the couch, make yourself put on your workout clothes, and go push yourself to start exercising because you’re just not feeling it?
That’s what getting myself in the mood for sex often felt like.
It was miserable. I’d have sex, absolutely fucking love it, but sometimes it just wasn’t worth putting in all that monumental effort to get there.
So, I tried something else.
I started identifying things that increase my chances of getting horny, but that I love doing even if I don’t get turned on.
If I do enough of those, I get to have a really good day and I might accidentally get in a frisky mood.
I’m still not the bad girl I want to be. But it helped me get closer.
Today, I shared a few of the things I do to fool myself into getting turned on. If you ever find yourself fighting against your own libido, these just might work for you.
One misconception about people with low libido is that we don’t masturbate much.
That’s true in some cases. But others like me enjoy a good jilling session on the regular.
I personally do it because it’s fun and pleasurable. It relieves my anxiety and gives me more focus. It’s like getting a shot of desperately needed hormones.
And sometimes, I do it because it’s my job.
Like last week, when I started playing with my new Jopen finger vibrator. It’s a surprisingly fun toy and it encouraged me to masturbate in a way I normally don’t.
I also shared tips for giving my favorite kind of blowjob - a submissive one.
Sucking a dick already helps create a subby dynamic. So does your partner’s attitude - there’s just something about the way dominant people use their hands that drives me wild.
This week, I also wanted to debunk a claim I’ve seen thrown around once in a while.
Whenever there’s a discussion of dick size, there’s a chance that someone will bring up the fact that the vagina is only four inches deep.
First, it doesn’t matter if your dick can reach all the way into the vagina - that’s not what makes sex pleasurable.
Second, it’s not actually four inches - it’s more like 3.77 inches. But that’s only an average and it’s based on a very small sample size of women.
But most importantly, it changes sizes on the regular. The vagina is more complex than it seems and this week, I wrote about arousal, tenting, and what’s really going on with vaginal depth.
My articles are behind a paywall, but all of the links in this section are Friend Links. That means you can read them for free even without a Medium Membership!
If you want to get yourself a little something fun, here are some companies I love supporting!
The Jopen finger vibrator looked attractive, smooth, and fun to play with. What I didn’t expect is that it would give me a new way to masturbate. It basically lets me jill off the way I would with my fingers, but with vibrations added for extra pleasure. If you want to try it out for yourself, you can get it from Betty’s Toy Box - and use the code LOVEEMMA at checkout to save 10% on your entire order!
Do you have any remote controlled sex toys? They’re so fucking fun to play with. And they’re a great way to get in the mood if you need some help. Wearing one means you get to be teased and stimulated all day long - including when you least expect it. My favorite long-distance toys are by Lovense. The Lush is great for internal stimulations and the Ferri is a panty vibrator that can stimualte your clit discretely and from far away.
Mr. Austin and I have a big libido mismatch. I struggle to get it up - he can’t keep his down. Taking his masturbation seriously is one of the things that he does to manage his high sex drive. One of his favorite ways to get off is with strokers, including his Fleshlight. They even have some molded from Emily Willis’ pussy and asshole. And frankly, who wouldn’t want to stick their dick in those?
These are all affiliate links by the way. If you click them and make a purchase (or use one of my discount codes), I earn a small commission on the sale and you will be supporting my work.
Pillow Talk with Emma Austin
Technically, the Pillow Talk podcast is scheduled to come out every Wednesday.
In reality, it tends to come out two or three times a month.
I often have to skip a week because of PMDD, anxiety, and once in a while just plain running out of ideas.
This was one of those weeks (a PMDD one, not an out of ideas one).
There’s a new one coming next week. In the meantime, why not get a little filthy and check out our episode about creampies from December?
Connect With Me!