Back behind the wheel - and it feels amazing 🚙😎
Hi!
I learned to drive before all my friends did, which meant I chauffeured everyone around.
We’d make plans for the weekends, and it was my job to get everyone there.
I’d borrow my mom’s car and bring us to the mall, drive around town, or go kill time in someone’s basement before we could start drinking.
And I fucking loved it.
I didn’t have to beg for rides. I didn’t have to make plans in walking distance. I could just go wherever I wanted to go.
My small world was suddenly wide open.
Then about fifteen years later, it closed right up again.
I wasn’t a teenager with a strong urge to fly the coop. I was a mom of four who spent a lot of time fussing with her own nest.
I wasn’t driving my mom’s hatchback anymore - I had a minivan of my own. One I could use to shuttle my brood around the city.
The van was old when I got it and it basically fell apart under me. I couldn’t afford to replace it, so I ran that thing right into the ground. The brakes were sticky and getting worse. The steering got so wonky I had to adjust my driving to match it. By the end, it ran so loud I might as well have kicked the muffler right off.
It wasn’t even worth fixing, so we sold it for scrap.
Things were too tight to buy a car - let alone anything that could seat all six of us. So we didn’t.
We walked everywhere. My husband rode his bike when he could go alone. It took a while to get to the bus stop, but that was an option if we needed to go really far.
And just like that, my world got a whole lot smaller.
The doctor’s office, the convenience store with overpriced snacks, the donut shop that always had a line out the front, the library that was just too far to make it worth the walk - that was it. Everything else was basically out of reach.
I was all cooped up again.
I felt stuck.
And it really started getting me down.
Like no, I was never going to recapture the magic of being 17 and behind the wheel. Feeling like every time I turned on the ignition, I might end up having an adventure, getting high, or getting laid.
But I also had to let go of all the other little things.
Going to the beach. Exploring nature trails. Checking out parts of the city I’d never seen before.
Mostly, I just lost the sense of possibility.
It’s not like I have a vibrant and adventurous life. My social calendar isn’t exactly packed to the brim. I’m a cozy girl who mostly likes to keep to herself, and a car wouldn’t change that.
But having the option to go wherever I needed to go was giving me more life than I realized. And losing it made me dull and gloomy.
It’s all good now, though.
Because we’ll be packing up, moving out, and heading to a much smaller city.
One without any kind of transit system. One where everything is ridiculously far apart. One where walking really won’t get you very far.
So to get ready, we got our hands on a used car - one with enough seats for everyone.
It’s a big, blocky thing. It’s shockingly comfortable compared to my last set of wheels. The brakes and the steering actually work the way they should, which is really nice.
It’s stressful driving after being out of the game for so long. I’m still nervous when I have to get on the busier roads. And I might be wrong, but it seems like everyone has gotten worse at driving since I stopped.
But it doesn’t matter.
Because no, I don’t have anywhere exciting to go.
I’m still not going to get high - not until I get home and hang up the keys anyway.
I won’t be getting laid - I don’t leave the house for that anymore.
But I’ve been getting around, which is all I really wanted to do.
I don’t feel stuck anymore. And that’s incredibly liberating.
Love,
Emma ❤
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Just a chatty little update! 🖤
Moving sucks!
This week, we're updating everyone on where we've been and what we've been up to.
Also: hot beverages, sex mirrors, and bringing down our neighbors' property values.
Check out the show notes for relevant links. And if you love the show, don’t forget to rate and review it on Apple Podcasts! 🖤
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